Remaining four:
- Constantine
- Ames
- Ben F.
- J.P.
I think we can all agree that J.P. is going to win (don't send me grief about "spoilers" on this one.. it's been completely obvious from day one), so let's set him aside for the purposes of this discussion. (He'd be the no-brainer choice should he not win.) Among the remaining three, I think we can eliminate Constantine as I'm not even sure he's aware this is a dating show. Winemaker Ben has also shown himself to be somewhat scared of girls, and to this point maybe teetering on the fulcrum of actually considering reciting the "L-bomb" (lesbians?) in his head with respect to future relations with Ashley. I'm kind of tiring of him too, even though I had some high hopes early on. Kind of a snoozer. Ames, though, is an interesting option. He's completely weird, but in the nicest, nerdiest, non-threatening way possible. He's the kind of guy you'd entrust to look after your girlfriend while you take a month long trip to Europe. Maybe in a post-Brad world the franchise needs to cleanse itself of past sins. Imagine the awkward TV that would result with Ames and 25 hot women. I'd sign up for that. Let's put him on the short list.
Going back four more:
- Lucas
- Ryan P.
- Mickey
- Blake
Lucas has some significant ex-wife baggage he's still working out back in Odessa. Oh, and he's also a bore. Pass. Mr. Blue Sky Ryan P. is much too fabulous for this show. We're going to need a confirmed heterosexual for this mission. Mickey actually might have a shot, but his weird implosion over some principled stand against Bentley tells me that he's not going to play ball. No one likes a quitter. Blake actually had a decent run, but are they really going to feature back-to-back dentists? I think not. So that leaves a maybe for the 2010 Cosmo Bachelor of the Year and Ames as potential Bachelor material of the final eight. Yikes.
What else do we have? Any wild cards out there? How about Bentley? If it were up to me, I'd cast him in a microsecond. Millions of angry women would protest and cry foul, and then dutifully tune in each Monday so they could renew their anger. ABC pulled something like this by bringing back Brad, and that actually worked out pretty well, but this would be taking things to a whole new level. I don't think they have the balls to do it, but it would be ratings gold.
Speaking of Bradley, the man is newly single and ready to find love again. Maybe he could go for the hat trick? Yeah, it's not going to happen, but I'm going to formally nominate him for the Bachelor Hall of Fame. This guy is a first ballot lock.
How about William the insult comic? I'd much rather see Triumph try to leg-hump the ladies than have to suffer through that again.
Masked Jeff? I guess if they want to drive a stake through the heart of this thing, that might be the way to do it.
Going back to Ali's season, assuming Roberto doesn't jump ship, we have: hipster Frank, Chris Lambton, and Kirk. Chris made a lot of sense instead of Brad last go around, actually. Personally, I think he's a little stale, but I know he was a big favorite for the role. Word on the street is that he's currently engaged to Peyton Wright (a Season 10 Bachelor contestant with Andy Baldwin). Guess that's out. Really? Peyton? I can't stand Frank, so that's a huge "no" out of principle. Kirk was nice enough, but had the super creepy dad that was surely a serial killer in training. No thank you.
This is getting a little depressing. On our short list we have:
- Ames
- Mickey
- Bentley
- Brad (!)
If we grant that ABC will never bring back Brad for the trifecta, and they don't have the stomach for Bentley (who seems to not care about any of this anyway), then it looks like either Mickey or Ames are vying for the role. I think it all depends on who would do it and what it will take to convince them. For as busy as Ames claims to be running marathons and brokering deals, he sure seems cool with taking this long vacation whereas others have talked about how much they need to get back to whatever it is they do. Mickey jumping ship was a problem, but not a fatal flaw. He could recover and make it work. Personally, I think the only sane choice is Ames. He would bring the series back to its roots in Season 1 when uberdork Alex Michel bumbled along and ultimately picked Amanda Marsh (who?) leaving Trista Rehn to meet Ryan Sutter in the first ever Bachelorette. Had Alex not spurned Trista, we probably wouldn't have the Sutter kids to point to as evidence that, in 23 seasons of this mess, two offspring prove the system works.
So there we have it. Ames should be the next Bachelor. That wasn't too bad. Now let's just wrap up this pig and move things along. I honestly can't wait. In fact, I'm kicking around some notes already the next Bachelor season. It's going to be great. We haven't had a good tagline in a while:
The Bachelor Season 16: Taking Dead Ames
Running on Empty
Let's Get Married, But Only If Your Other Boyfriend Is Cool With it
Yes, I Dress Myself
No Bentley, No Problem
Mother Won't Let Me Forgo My Individual Room
The Red Pants Diaries
You get the idea.
No comments:
Post a Comment