Before I go too far with the props, the Bachelor Pad 3 promo was a complete snoozer, mostly because I don't even know who half of these yahoos are from a dozen seasons ago, and there's about zero chance that someone like Ali (aspiring L.A. based post-reality professional something) or Frank (still dating whatsherface) is going to show up. It definitely wasn't worth the price of admission to see that Kasey guard and protect some random drunk chick's panties either. And we all know my feelings on Ryan. Fast forward.
The attempt to re-litigate Blakeley's transgressions seemed to just take up valuable air time as we waited for the real drama to show up. Blakeley is low-A farm hand compared to Courtney's major league-ready skills. There's no comparison. I doubt anyone cares or even remembers much of what Blakeley contributed anyway. All I really recall is some hideous dental work, copious makeup, and fake tits. If anything, Blakeley had some mental stability issues. Remember her huddled in a corner like a meth addict? No? It's not important. She was all over the map, and not really worth the attention. Worse, this discussion created an opening for Samantha and Jaclyn to start talking. Somehow, Jaclyn found a way to get even uglier, and Samantha earned most shrill former cast member of all time status, which is truly an accomplishment given the scores of candidates. Just think: this was the edited version. I can't imagine they thought going in that this nobody who did nothing on the show would have so many grievances to air. I have to say that Brittney redeemed her otherwise useless self by deftly cutting Samantha to shreds with her "chihuahua" comment. It was spot on and worthy of the insults bandied about in the British House of Commons. Brittney was also the first person I can recall that admitted she had zero attraction to the lead. Casey-with-the-boyfriend was also in that camp, but never said as much (she didn't have to). Monica too. You'd think they could at least come clean about that. Not everyone is going to like the guy.
It's amazing how far Shawntel has fallen in my book. She was pretty much one of my top two favorites from Brad's second coming, yet her need for attention (apparently to sell books?) knocks her down a few pegs. I still don't know why they didn't just cast her as one of the 25 women instead of having her show up unannounced one day which was just amateur hour. That had no chance of creating much compelling drama save a short-lived schism mostly perpetrated very oddly by Elyse. If they really wanted to shake things up, she would have been there from the beginning. I think everyone knew that trying to throw her into the mix that late in the game was going to end like an organ transplant before the era of anti-rejection drugs. It was a little interesting to see the outright venom spewed over Shawntel. I can't really think of anyone that is more benign that she is, yet they treated her like a malignancy. Even showing up again, it was funny to see so many of these women unable to stop caring even many months later. Funnier, she's skinny as a rail, yet there was non-sarcastic discussion about her weight. Erika (I believe she was on the show at some point) clarified her "big thighs" comment:
"The point is... I don't have tiny thighs, girl."
Oh, now I get it. Moving along...
The first serious postmortem involved Emily who, quite honestly, should have fared better. Yes, her boobs were hanging out all over the place, but shockingly that's not where I'm going with this. On paper, she's an A+ and Chris Harrison certified (it got awkward), but became steadily unglued over the course of the show. Every season has its benevolent crusader for justice and truth, and that was Emily this time around. She just couldn't stomach the duplicity anymore and felt that it was her obligation to set things right. Of course this has a 100% chance of failure, and that record remains intact. There's just nothing to be gained by whining about someone else. It's weird to me how women are so shocked by how other women act, especially in an environment designed to promote conflict. Hell, the companion to this show is Bachelor Pad which is rightfully banned in 37 countries. She also had to know that being the house snitch is poor form and gets people shot in certain 'hoods. For as smart as Emily seemed to be, she had very little clue about how things work on this show and sinking street cred. Her hindsight was pretty good, though, because she certainly understood what went wrong by focusing on Courtney. Ben exuded his own petulance by not giving her a break over it. That "tread lightly" line still irks me. What an entitled dick he can be at times.
It's kind of a shame that The Bachelorette is already cast because I think Nicki would have been an ideal candidate. There's really not much to dislike, and if there's anyone that's been on this show that is absolutely dying to get married, it's her. I could almost guarantee a wedding, and I know those are in short supply with this franchise. Sure Emily Maynard is a swell option and all, but she's got the potential of clamming up (friendship suite?) and being much less interesting than advertised, especially with her daughter constantly hanging over things. Nicki seems like she'd let it all hang out, and then some, and god bless her. I know no one will care about or even remember who she is in a year, but they might want to keep her résumé on file for later.
I thought Kacie looked about as good as ever. She obviously got too carried away and had an immature outlook, but she seemed like a different person during the interview. You need to have a few bumps on the head here and there, which is why I never understand anyone that protects themselves as if there's that one person that will sweep them away, cure all of the ills of the world, and fart rainbows. Kacie had that mindset, there's no doubt. She may still. I do know that she's going to make some lucky guy really happy at prom this spring.
Okay, here we go... Courtney. So, let me just lay out my five cent opinion on what makes her tick. Like anyone, Courtney is a product of her upbringing which appears to have gone awry. Her family dotes on her and has never asked a thing of her. She oozes entitlement. The mean girl thing is mostly a false front and her go-to reaction to deal with conflict. How or why that developed is anyone's guess, but something pushed her to build that wall. She's actually fantastically adept at deflection and gaining the upper hand and knows exactly how to tweak women. She has a carefully developed defense mechanism that allows her to avoid vulnerability and never get hurt. Many of these women exhibit similar defenses, but none are as entrenched as they are with Courtney. To the benefit of the show (in my mind), Courtney has a first strike policy and will attack the moment she's uncomfortable. It's almost like she was genetically engineered to be on a show like this because she's a fine-tuned survivalist who undercuts her rivals and renders them impotent to do anything. Not a single one of these women challenged or even put up a tiny bit of resistance to her because Courtney was so aggressive that they had no idea how to react to it.
As effective as she is dealing with rival women, she's also honed an ability to gain sympathy from pushover guys. The women had it about right with Courtney, but they didn't spot her any points for being a superior game player or consider the possibility that most of what she did was played up for the situation and the camera. While I do think that she's duplicitous, it's not as though everything she displayed was her innermost genuine personality. I think early on Courtney was playing to win, but over time you did see a dramatic shift when she started to have actual feelings and realized that she'd be held accountable for her actions. Ben was actually paying pretty close attention to how she comported herself with other people. Actually, her willingness to go on this terribly named Women Tell All show and just let people unload on her is really interesting. She didn't have to do this. It seems as though it has to serve a purpose, and one possibility is to salvage an actual relationship with Ben. Another is that she's endured a tremendous amount of negative reaction to the point where she feels the need to endure some public punishment in the hopes of gaining some sympathy. Maybe both of these things are at play. Or maybe they paid her a princely sum. Whatever the reason, she barely put up a fight and did her best to act sincere. I doubt she expected this kind of backlash, and she doesn't deserve it. Last I checked, The Bachelor is a TV show. It's not remotely real, and should never be mistaken as such. Guys like Reality Steve harp incessantly about the dreaded "edit" and how we don't really know Courtney, but I think that's basically wrong. The public has a similar opinion of her as the women who spent countless hours with her. They align too well for the show edit to convey something grossly different. Her show persona is probably close enough to how she was on set. The only question is how much of it was shtick and how much was who she is. My guess is that she's actually very normal and nice to people she cares about and not so charming to those she sees as threats. If you're on a show where surviving week to week is the goal, I can see how that would exacerbate these traits. Why this would cause the women to totally freak out is another matter. Then again, they're women, so I think that's a question that neatly answers itself.
Bringing Courtney out to atone for her sins was going to get ugly, and it lived up to it. There were times when it looked like some kind of saline solution was welling up in her eyes. Remember that this was four flippin' months after all of these things happened, and yet some of these women acted like the wound was still fresh and in need of a new Band-Aid. A lot of them made complete fools of themselves, especially with this question about why Courtney wasn't a better house buddy. If this show was called Super Epic Sorority BFFs, they might have a valid point. It seems that every reality show that boils down to a competition for survival has this issue of friendship that comes up all the time. People are really concerned with how friendly people are while they are on the show. I've never quite understood that. People audition for all kinds of reasons. Surely Courtney was there to promote her career (especially as an aspiring actress), and I still think that's true. And yes, she probably would have netted out better by "twisting the knife" fewer times. But then again, would the show have been as good? Would she have ended up in the finale? Would that horse-face Jaclyn have gotten any more camera time? The verve with which these women were going after her with questions left me embarrassed for them. Sure, I think Courtney gave a tepid and unconvincing apology, but how could it possibly matter in the long run, and apologize for what? It's been four months. Move on with your sad lives.
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| "If only I had braided someone's hair, this would all be different." |
Mercifully, they let Courtney leave, but not after death by a thousand tiny, obnoxious cuts. That's reality TV royalty you're insulting, you haters. I'll stick up for you, Courtney. Sorta.
The final phase of the show is the "why did I get sent home" fishing expedition for closure which I basically hate. There's just nothing to be gained here, and Ben has shown no appetite for it. If the guy didn't want to give you a good reason then, there sure as hell isn't going to be an answer now. I was a little surprised just how abrupt and almost cold some of the dismissals were, as with Emily, but why even dredge this up. If someone's still broken up over it, all you can do is make it worse but trying. It's hilarious that of all the women he could apologize to for cutting them loose he would choose Casey who actually did go home to her boyfriend. Nice one, dummy.
Jennifer got way more camera time than anyone expected. Not a bad thing -- she looked deliciously insane -- but it's not always a great idea to let your nuttier nutcases ramble on for too long. Oh, and no offense to Blakeley, but why did you keep that slutty stripper over me? I mean, would you take that tawdry whore to meet your mom? No offense, of course.
Ben really must've been super offended by Emily throwing Courtney under the bus because he pretty much reasserted that's what killed her off. It's probably more about him wanting to end up with the model than anything else. I'm pretty sure I could have cut her some slack, but that's just one non-winemaker's opinion.
It's weird how gaga Nicki still is over Ben. She gushed about how he's the best man she's ever met (100%, till she dies, etc.). What kind of jackasses is this woman meeting in Dallas? At least she's giving non-threatening bores all over America hope that they too can land on a reality dating show, reject a hot divorcee, and be publicly thanked for it. I think we'll see Nicki again. Just a hunch. I just wish she'd get better standards.
I'm really looking forward to next week, especially After the Final Rose for the potential implosion and seismic event induced by a Courtney victory. It really could be something special. No, this season hasn't been without its flaws, but as Russell Crowe once famously asked: "Are you not entertained?" I am. I am entertained.
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